How to Win Friends and Influence People Summary

Summary of the classic by Dale Carnegie
“How to Win Friends & Influence People”

 

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Fundamentals

  • People do not want to be criticized and would reject criticism.
  • People are interested in those who are interested in them.
  • Sincerity is essential for friendship and for lasting influence.
  • Praise, appreciation and encouragement arouse enthusiasm.
  • Everybody has the desire to be important.
  • You can arouse desire by talking about what they want and showing how they can get it


How to make people like you:
Show genuine interest in all other people

  • Greet people with animation and enthusiasm.
  • Smile when talking or meeting with other people.
  • Address people by their first name and correct name.
  • Be a good listener, give people exclusive attention and let them have their say.
  • Encourage others to talk about themselves and do not talk too much about yourself.

 

  • Talk about what is really (personally) interesting the other person.
  • Do things for other people that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.
  • Remember birthdays by putting them in the calendar.
  • See in every person you meet in what way they are superior to you.
  • Make the person feel important by:
  • Mentioning what you honestly admire in or about them.
  • Giving them certain responsibilities.
  • Using little courtesies and polite questions when addressing them.
  • Expressing sincere appreciation and giving praise.

 

How to win people to your way of thinking

  • Don’t argue, not even when you are right. Listen and give appreciation.
  • Avoid that disagreements become arguments:
  • Welcome the disagreement.
  • Stay calm.
  • Listen first.
  • Look for areas of agreement.
  • Admit errors.
  • Promise to think over their arguments.
  • Thank them sincerely for their interest in the topic.
  • Postpone action to give both parties time to think it over.

 

  • Don’t state bluntly that someone else is wrong. Say that you thought otherwise and admit that you may be wrong. Be a good listener and ask questions in a friendly and cooperative spirit.
  • If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

 

  • Begin your interaction in a friendly way.
  • Get the other person to say “yes” and “yes” from the beginning by asking questions with which they would have to agree.
  • Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
  • Consult people about their ideas, wishes, wants and thoughts to get their buy-in.
  • Let the other person feel that the idea is theirs.
  • Have a perfectly clear idea of what you are going to say and what the other person – from your knowledge of his interests and motives – is likely to answer.

 

  • Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  • Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
  • Appeal to the nobler motives and to the honesty and reasonability of others.
  • Dramatize your ideas when presenting them (make it tangible).
  • Give people a challenging task or create friendly competition.


Be a leader

  • Begin with praise and honest appreciation before pointing out areas of improvement.
  • Avoid to use the word “but” and replace it with “and” when giving people your comments.
  • Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly without telling them what to do.
  • Talk about your own mistakes first before criticizing the other person.
  • Give suggestions by asking question and avoid giving direct orders.
  • Let the other person save face.
  • Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
  • Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
  • Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
  • Make the other person becoming happy about doing the thing you suggest:
  • Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
  • Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
  • Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
  • Match those benefits (and incentives) to the other person’s wants.
  • Convey to the other person that he will benefit when making your request.

 

 


How to Win Friends & Influence People Summary

Interact

• Be sincere
• Don’t criticize
• Don’t argue
• Admit it when you are wrong
• Show interest in what interests them
• Praise (the slightest and every improvement)
• Show appreciation
• Begin friendly, smile, greet with enthusiasm
• Address by name
• Listen attentively
• Do things for people
• Remember birthdays
• Mention what you admire in them
• Ask polite questions and make suggestions. Don’t give orders

 

Influence

• Get “yes” “yes” responses initially
• Consult and see their perspective
• Show what is in it for them
• Appeal to nobler motives
• Dramatize ideas
• Give a challenge
• Give a reputation to live up to

 

Manage

• Give praise and appreciation before making comments
• Call attention to mistakes without giving orders
• Mention own mistakes before giving suggestions
• Use “and” instead of “but” when giving comments
• Save their face
• Encourage and make correction seem eas

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